=[
I never knew I could hold so much negative feelings inside me.
I was…. depressed 15minutes ago, and instead of going to smoke like i would normally
I thought i’d try my hardest in quitting, as Benjy wants me to stop.
So this doodle mindmap thing is what happened.
Surprisingly, i feel ALOT better.
See Jack? RUN JACK.
half underwater
i’m half my mother’s daughter
a fraction’s left up to dispute
the whole collection
half off the price they’re asking
in the halfway house of ill repute
half accidental
half pain full instrumental
i have a lot to think about
you think they’re joking?
you have to go provoke him…
i guess it’s high time you found out
it’s half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong
you’ll notice something funny if you hang around here for too
long ago in some black hole before they had these pills to take it back
i’m half jill
and half jack
two halves are equal
a cross between two evils
it’s not an enviable lot
but if you listen
you’ll learn to hear the difference
between the halfs and the half nots
and when i let him in i feel my stitches getting sicker
i try to wash him out but like she said:the blood is thicker
i see my mother in my face
but only when i travel
i run as fast as i can run
but
jack comes tumbling after….
and when i’m brave enough and find a clever way to kick him out
and i’m so high not even you and all your love could bring me down
on 83rd he never found the magic words to change this fact:
i’m half jill
and half jack
i’m halfway home now
half hoping
for a showdown
cause i’m not big enough to house this crowd
it might destroy me
but i’d sacrifice my body
if it meant i’d get the jack part OUT
see
jack
run…..
My Weekend
This weekend has being one of the most amazing weekends I’ve had in a long time. In fact, the fun still hasn’t ended and I love every minute of it.
Friday night was one of the most nerve racking days I’ve had in a long time. I woke up early and had Jonny (JDM525) over we then drove into the centre of Leicester, which was fun in itself blasting music to ourselves and singing to shitty tunes. The nerve racking part came next…. We had to go meet DoctorBenjy. *shoots self in head* I hate him SO MUCH… well that’s obviously a lie. I don’t know why I was so nervous meeting him, as I speak to him all the time online.
After collecting Ben we then continued to St Margarets bus station, where we picked spencer up =] He did that thing where he just appears behind us for a few minutes and I turn around having the fright of my life then hug him for AGES. Lol XD
So once the four of us were together we went back to my house and I’ll be honest, I didn’t arrange anything for us to do, but we sat there for hours chilling and basically having a fun time. Night time was the most fun I must admit. The original plan was for all four of us to sleep in my living room.. two on the two sofa’s and two on the floor. Plenty of space and would of being comfy… but as we was up until late jonny stated he wanted to sleep in my room (ground check. MY ROOM IS TINY) Jonny stretched out on my floor by himself with the backing cushions off our sofa, where as Spencer laid on the end of my bed and me and Benjy crammed next to eachother… yeah, it was a tight fit and hurt after a few hours… Spencer and Jonny some how managed to sleep, but me and Benjy stayed up for the majority of the night talking endless crap. Love it. Was nice talking to him I guess, and totally random… he smells nice. Lol.
Next day we woke up bright and early, as I doubt we’d end up staying up late with the uncomfyness (not even a word) lol. First thing we did was go to NSG’s house, that was pretty gosh darn awesome =] Never being to his before so it was fun to just chill with him and nosey at all his music gadgets and endless computer screens (3) lol. We then got on the tube, realised Victoria line was closed (ARGHHHH) and ended up being an hour and a half late. But the whole day was awesome!
Best memories of Saturday
· Buying Barry Aldridge a ukulele. Making him talk to the camera while Dave stood behind him imitating sticking it up his arse. Hehehe, after all that he didn’t want it ¬_¬ so we gave the ukulele to alex.
· Sitting in hyde park next to Mhazz and just chilling (missed her)
· Went Tocarado (or however you spell it) and all ze’ youtubers went on the bumper cars. I shared a car with Sophiebeard, was VERY fun lol.
· Simply hugging Ben. Twas nice =]
· Seeing Iianardo and Kai again. Me, Mhazz and Beth ran over to them. That moment was special in itself =]
Some people had to go home and the rest carried onto Sophie’s house.
Best memories of Saturday Night
- Invading stickaid and going on the big screen, where they had NO idea what we was on about… and all we was doing was screaming in a drunken state
- Singing Birds and Foundations (Kate Nash) with Mhazz
- Cramming on a double bed with Musicfromblueskies, omgmhazzrocks and randomprodinc
- Fake tattoo’s EVERYWHERE
- Attack of the glowsticks, lol… especially when Tom bit one open and his mouth started glowing
- Random posing with Johncox88
- A certain talk with a certain someone ^_^
Next day I woke up at 6.30am with Beth… we didn’t know what to do because everybody else was fast asleep so we went downstairs and tidied Sophie’s kitchen aka putting beer cans and vodka bottles in bags XD hmmm so that was about 30mins.. we then went into the living room and I went to go check on spencer. Aka. Stole his bed. LOL yeah, so I was asleep until 12, got dressed then we all walked for an hour to the nearest trainstation, to be honest I really enjoyed that long walk because I spent ages chatting to Mhazz and its being a while since we’ve spoken so much =] And we found out Benjy got featured, which was GREAT news. He deserved it =]
We didn’t really do much this day we just hung out and met up with Alex, Edd and Ivens which was funfunfun =] Also met Alex’s cousin… forgot his name, was it dan spncer? … yeah it was dan (spencers reading this as I type it lol) Found out he lives within 15mins of me, what a small world. Lol. So yeah, we spent about an hour playing that almighty amazing card game alex did, and tbh … it was confusing as fuck. Then everybody split up…. Last hug went to mhazz, I cried my eyes out. I love that girl.
Sunday night the three of us went back to NSGs this time Benjyless =[ gutted, but we still had a fun time… Spencer and Jonny were being boring and sat on NSGs sofa bed on the laptop. I on the other hand sat next to NSG while he was showing me how he makes his music, its truly amazing… and we even made a beat “Its like murdaaaa” hehe love it =] I went really shy when he tried to get me to sing down the microphone. Eeek
We went live on blogtv for a while, which was cool but NSG’s wi-fi fucked up and his net was going slow… and by this time it was 11pm … and me, jonny and spencer had to leave to get back to my house. In the end we got back to Leicester at about 2am.
Spencer and Jonny went to bed…. Together (wa-heyy) ahaha… kidding, but yeah they was tired so went sleep downstairs and I went for a shower and then went on my laptop for an hour.
Jonny left earlier and Spencers staying with me until Wednesday, so all in all its being a great weekend!
Why im PROUD to be a hufflepuff
I have this idea that we can screw Slytherin and Gryffindor to hell and back and it wouldn’t matter much. Ravenclaws are smart – they’ll be the tacticians, the strategists, the ones who look at things and see.
But Hufflepuff? They’ll make sure the soldiers get food. Get water, get letters from home. Do research so the Ravenclaws have what they need in order to see. They’ll be the judges, the teachers, the guardians of the home front rather than those waging outright war. They’re the aides, the nurses, the teachers, the judges, researchers and peacekeepers. They’ll see to it that a Slytherin who chooses to fight Voldemort isn’t shunned, and they’ll see to it that a traitor Gryffindor is punished They will stand by their own in the teeth of the Enemy, not because they are brave, or cunning, or smart, but because they are loyal.
It will be patience, and toil, and justice and loyalty that will win the war for Light. And no one offers that but the Hufflepuffs.
Slytherins as spies, as those who know when to cut losses a Gryffindor wouldn’t. Gryffindor to be brave, a soldier standing despite it all. Ravenclaws to plan, to know what to do and when to do it, and how to get out of the worst situation.
And Hufflepuff to make sure that everyone survives. To make sure that the Slytherins, Gryffindors and Ravenclaws have what they need when they need to. To comfort, to work hard at all the little things that must be done. To know justice in the midst of chaos.
Said Hufflepuff, “I’ll teach the lot,
And treat them just the same.”
Horseriding
Considering I woke up at 4pm today, the rest of my day has being quiet nice! J
I leant to my right and realised I’d left my computer on all night, as I fell asleep listening to music, there was an AIM message from that one special guy saying, “I love you” … I mean, what an amazing way to wake up ^_^
So we spoke for about 15minutes, to which I had to go and have a shower, get dressed and tidy up downstairs. My neighbours came over and we had tea and biscuits, which was nice but I felt a bit guilty because I told my guy I would be about 30mins and it turned into about 1hour 40mins. Oops, I said sorry though!
After that, we got talking once again, which is always fun! =] and I told him about how I was going to America for 2 months next summer and how I’d defiantly come and visit him! Apparently his mum came in and said she wanted me to come and visit, so that made me smile =] In fact I let out a huge, “Awwww” So sweet.
So then he went off to his friend’s house to do whatever he does over there and I went to my friends house!
This friend of mine, Anna her name is, I’ve not hung around with for months so it was so nice to see her again, even if we just hung around for 3 hours. We went out and did what we always did. She lives on an equine centre and owns 5 horses, so she grabbed her favourite bay horse and I grabbed my favourite flea bitten gray and we went for a ride across the fields =] After about 40mins, we resulted in climbing over the tree’s of a lake while the horses had a drink and rode them back to her house. When arriving back at hers, some of her parents friends had come over and they were going to have a horse back croquet match, so me and Anna joined in! … first time I’ve ever played horseback croquet, but I’ll tell you the truth, its SOOO fun but really hard, the amount of times I almost fell off was unbelievable, I didn’t though… and surprisingly Anna did… Anna being the one who goes out riding every day. Ahaha, this made me feel special.
Our team lost by 20points, to be honest I didn’t get the pointing system but we had a nice time!
We then went inside and had tea and scones.
So basically, my evening has being a very stereotypically English one. What, what!
<3?
There is one thing that I hate about myself, above all others.
Jealously.
I get very easily jealous, and when I say very easily… I mean VERY easily jealous. There is nobody I trust 100% apart from Spencer.
At the moment, there is a guy I REALLY like, problem is he doesn’t live close to me. I try to talk to him as much as I can when we’re both online, but sometimes he goes through quiet patches… whether he’s talking to his mum or what not, I still feel jealous that I couldn’t be there with him. Stupid I know =[ The other day, he was on the phone to a friend .. which I was completely fine with, I asked if his friend had a name and he said it. Thing is, he didn’t realise I knew this was his X. What made it worse, was a I heard a rumour the two of them were getting back together. I. Was. Gutted.
What I do when I get really jealous, is I tend to go quiet … and then really moody. I shouldn’t. Meh. He told me they aren’t getting back together, and that he liked me.
Which made me smile, but deep down inside me…. I don’t know, when he talks to other girls I feel sick because I know I can’t be there with him and they are.
I don’t want to loose him.
And I know you’re reading this, but I just had to say how I felt.
I love you.
xBrokenmindedx 